Can You Heal in Therapy Without Remembering Your Childhood?
Clients often ask me if they can do therapy even if they don’t remember much about their childhood. The answer is yes. In the past, psychotherapy has emphasized the need to remember traumatic memories. But, we now know that you don’t need to remember a single thing to heal. Why is that?
Who This Post Is For
Before we dive in, let’s clarify who this post is for.
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This is for people who feel unwell due to past wounding.
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This is not for those whose challenges come from major mental illnesses alone.
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It’s also not for people currently in traumatic situations.
If you feel burdened by past experiences, even if you can’t remember them, this post is for you.
Why You Don’t Need to Remember
The truth is, the memory itself doesn’t matter.
You came to therapy because something from your past is causing discomfort in your body or mind. You feel fine sometimes, but out of nowhere, you’re hit with bad feelings. These feelings either seem random, or you know what triggered them. When a familiar, uncomfortable emotional pattern begins, we call that being “triggered.”
How Triggers Work
Your senses detect something that symbolizes your old wound. This is something you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. These triggers bring up the old wound, and suddenly, it feels like you’re “back then.”
Here’s the tricky part: you might not “see” the memory as an image in your mind. Instead, your body reacts as if the bad thing from the past is happening right now.
Many people think they need to remember the event to recover, but this isn’t true. Everything we need to know about the memory is already in your body.
Why Past Reactions Don’t Work in the Present
Your past experiences were important because they taught you how to navigate danger. As a child, these adaptive reactions were necessary for survival.
But here’s the problem: your life now is not the same as it was then. You’re no longer in the same environment, and you’re not the same person. You have more options now.
When you rely on old survival strategies for current challenges, they often don’t work.
For example, you might try to avoid conflict to feel safe, even when it’s no longer necessary. Avoiding conflict may have kept you safe as a child. As an adult, it prevents you from addressing important issues in relationships or at work.
This is hard when triggers show up as body sensations without clear memories. You might believe these feelings are only about the present, not realizing they’re rooted in the past.
The Role of Therapy
In therapy, we don’t need to dig through your past to find specific memories. Everything we need is present in your emotions, sensations, and patterns of behavior.
For example, we’ll explore:
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Difficult patterns: (e.g., “I always lose my words when meeting new people.”)
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How you feel during these patterns: (e.g., “I feel clenching in my chest and my mind goes blank.”)
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Thoughts you notice: (e.g., “They must think I’m dumb.”)
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Impulses you have: (e.g., “I want to run away.”)
You don’t need to know why or when these patterns started. If a memory comes up, that’s great—we can work with it. But if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
Healing in the Here and Now
To make good decisions in the present, your reactions need to match the present moment. When emotions or sensations from the past overwhelm the here and now, they make life harder.
In therapy, we help you recognize these patterns. Then we shift your responses to better align with your current reality.
Final Thoughts
If you’re thinking of starting therapy but worry that it’s all about digging into the past, rest assured: it’s not. You don’t need to remember to heal. Everything you need is already here, in the present moment, waiting to guide you toward change.
Therapy is about helping you feel better now. Rummaging through old memories is not required. You already have everything you need to heal, right here and now.
